1. Just Listen – be present in that moment and in that conversation. Just listen to what the person is saying. The decision to speak to another human being about my weight issue was painful for me and something I dreaded. Many of us don’t like to talk about this subject even though we know we need a good support system to have lasting weight loss success. So if a loved one or friend comes to talk to you, just listen.
2. Thank Them – yes, thank them for trusting you enough to have this conversation. You were chosen by that person and that says a lot about how much your support matters.
3. Ask Questions First –  What are your expectations? What is your plan? How would you like my help? I want to be supportive, in what ways would you like my support?
4. Watch Your Words – Be mindful of what  you say and how you say it. Words can be used for positive or negative agendas. Our parents and grandparents taught us if you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all.  I have two mantras that I live by with regard to words – a. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits ( Proverbs 18:2) and b. Think before you speak. What I have learned is, if I am going to be a solid, trusted supportive person to my loved one or friend, then  have to be certain what I say will make a positive difference. I would suggest don’t offer advice unless asked and when asked for your advice or opinion, be open-minded, positive, optimistic, don’t be judgemental, don’t recite past failed weight loss attempts and PLEASE don’t  state the obvious, for example (you need to eat less, exercise more, don’t eat this, don’t do that, etc.).  Some comments will only alienate your loved one and shut them off from coming to you again.  You may be asking yourself, “How am I going to be positive when my friend comes to me every Monday with the same statement, OK THIS IS IT! Today I will get serious!”  Remember what your mamma said, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything. That’s really the best approach and you will thank me for this!
5. Be As Involved As Requested and Not More – Let’s get real, we cannot fix anyone but ourselves, PERIOD! Don’t be overly involved, maintain a backseat position. Hear me out on this, I’m not saying don’t engage and be part of the process. What I am saying is, don’t make this your journey. Don’t rush to FIX the situation.
6. Recognize, Congratulate, and Reward – The small victories. This is so important. We all need to hear words of encouragement especially on a marathon like weight loss and weight maintenance.  When I was losing weight, I had lost over 100 lbs before people really started to notice. Perhaps we are reluctant to say anything, but remember, this person came to you, so its’ not like walking up to a stranger to ask them if they’ve lost weight. Giving a small compliment, even if it seems silly to you, might change that person’s entire outlook.
7. If the person stops their weight loss attempts, or you notice changes in their recent activities – tread lightly, ask carefully – but DO ASK. Since your loved one or friend confided in you, you are in tune to what they’ve been doing and now realize that something is off. Have they gone back to old habits and patterns, is it stress or other things going on, self sabotage, a cry for help? Ask what has changed? Then just listen, again, don’t be judgemental, don’t offer your opinion or unsolicited advice. As this point, when there’s a slip up, it’s even more crucial to watch what you say. The person already feels horrible enough for getting off track without having salt rubbed into the wound.

What do you do to offer support? Please share your suggestions and comments.