You have a loved one or family member that really needs to lose weight. You’re concerned about their health and want to talk with them about it.

All intentions are sincere, but you just don’t know how to approach the person, far less, this subject. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and you certainly don’t want to cause tension or damage the relationship.

This is a sensitive topic. In my personal experience, there were many times this type of conversation was tough.  I would become defensive, I was in denial about my weight for a long time and wasn’t really ready to deal with it. This might be exactly what you are experiencing with your loved one. But as time goes on and there’s no progress,  you become more concerned. So what do you do? How to talk with someone about there weight?

Your trying to “get through” so your words and your genuine concern sinks in rather than going in one ear and out the other.

Here’s my suggestions on how to structure and focus these types of conversations

1. Begin slowly – even if you’ve been waiting a very long time for an opening to have this conversation, don’t try to say everything all at once. It might take a series of conversations before you see any openness to receive the message you’re trying to convey.
2. Be very mindful of the words you choose – it’s important to be positive, while getting your thoughts across in a way that is non-combative and shows your feelings for the person.
3. Concern vs. Shame – approach from a place of concern, caring and kindness and not shaming. When we are overweight, we are already filled with shame, and our self esteem may be damaged by the many failed attempts at weight loss.
4. Health vs. Looks – although we know that our society is very focused on looks, when talking about the subject of weight loss, it’s much more important to talk about health and wellness. I can honestly say that looking good was not on my radar when I wanted to lose weight. Being healthy, well, and fit were at the top of my list. You can think of looking good as a benefit to overall health and wellness.
5. Love & Respect vs. Judgement & Blame – being judged and blamed for being overweight is hard and difficult. Those words of criticism can be devastating and tough to hear. The last thing you want to do is approach your loved one in this way. Show love and respect which is the best way to treat a loved one in the first place.
6. Empathy and understanding vs. diet and exercise suggestions- you may not understand what it’s like to be overweight, but if you don’t understand, you should certainly be able to put the shoe on the other foot and empathize as to what it might be like to actually struggle to lose weight. Even if you’d had your own weight loss success, the last thing you want to do is give advice and tips on diet and exercise. Although you may believe by sharing what’s worked for you could be motivational, it may also backfire and possibly make the person feel like a failure. Any unsolicited tips will not be well received during this conversation.
7. Offers of Support and help vs. dump & run – don’t run through a laundry list of things to do and then disappear. Weight loss, support and help will be a long term commitments. A “set it and forget it” approach will not work. Unless you are willing to go the distance, my advice is “don’t open up this topic in first place.” Be supportive by simply asking –  What do you need from me? I love you, I care about you, in what way may I help?

Losing weight is a topic we all face in one way or another. Helping each other with support, kindness, and a positive attitude is the best approach.