In celebration of Valentine’s Day, I thought it appropriate to discuss the topic of love and that true love begins from within. So when it comes to love what are the steps to loving yourself? Here’s 12 steps to loving yourself – Let’s Get Started Today!

For many of us, it’s so easy to look at our flaws and be critical of ourselves. I was looking back at journal entries I have written over the years, as far back as 2001 and a recurring theme jumped out at me. My recurring theme always began with my weight, being critical of myself and pushing myself to do more and be more. In a way, I do understand that sense of being driven, but the way I spoke to myself was never with kindness and patience. I didn’t really get that until I was preparing for bariatric surgery.

When I decided to have surgery, I did a lot of soul-searching. In a way, although I am not a therapist, I had sessions with myself and looked at every aspect of how I treated myself, by recognizing the positive and what worked well; then, I set out to uncover those things that weren’t working well so I would be able to change and replace them with better things. At the time, I just thought I was looking at myself in detail, the good, the bad, and the ugly to figure out what I needed to do to make my upcoming surgery a success; and what I needed to do to remain alive. In looking back at this process now, what has become clear to me is that I followed 12 steps which lead me to a deeper understanding of myself. I discovered so many things that remained hidden deep inside, locked away for so long.Since those things have now been brought to the surface, I have a sense of peace I hadn’t experienced before. I have always leaned on my faith, but during that time, I realized I never asked God to show me or teach me how to deal with my issues in a loving way. In my private therapy sessions, I began to ask God, please show me, teach me, let Your will be done. For me, when it came to loving myself, here are the 12 steps that revealed themselves along the way.

1. What is your goal? What do you wish to accomplish and why is loving yourself important to you?
2. With your goal now set, make a commitment to yourself to continue the journey towards loving yourself as a priority but, do not waver. This helps build trust in yourself which is essential for loving yourself.
3. Be proud of your strengths and accomplishments. List those things you admire about  yourself and are proud you’ve accomplished in your life. Listing those things is very powerful. We tend to underestimate ourselves and this exercise puts great perspective right before our eyes.
4. Positive self-talk and attitude – Positive in, Negative Out – replace negative thoughts and self-talk with positive and realistic thoughts and words. Use mantras and create your own along the way that encourage and uplift. Be aware of how you think and the words you choose to speak about yourself and others. Once those old negative thoughts come and the words pop into your mind, shut it down right away. Rewrite those thoughts and words in a positive way, For example, “I’m never going to lose the weight, I’ve been trying to lose weight for years, replace it with, “My weight loss is an ongoing process and I’m ok with that.” Becoming aware of this behavior will help recognize it sooner and eventually the negativity will be replaced.
5. Forgive yourself then forgive others – forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to do, yet is one of the most freeing experiences. Without forgiveness, we hold ourselves back, weigh ourselves down with past hurts, anger, resentments, and unresolved circumstances. The wise elders in my family taught us when we don’t forgive, we do more harm to ourselves than to the other person. It took me a long time to really grasp the magnitude of this lesson and until I began to truly and deeply forgive others and myself, I could not move forward in many areas of my life.
6. Let Go – just as forgiveness is a difficult process, letting go can be equally as challenging. Even when we know there are certain people and habits in our lives that are toxic and unhealthy, many of us find comfort in what’s familiar. Let go of all or nothing attitudes, get rid of those things in our lives that are unhealthy; friendships, habits, relationships and replace with healthier habits and good, supportive people.
7. Practice self-acceptance – accept the person that you are, without judgement, without criticism, just accept. This will take practice, but you will learn over time and it’s such a wonderful feeling to just accept who you are at this moment. In practicing self-acceptance, it’s important to note that self-acceptance does not mean you resign yourself to your current state. Remember, we are all works in progress and are all in different places on our journeys.
8. Acknowledge, Take Ownership, and Take Responsibility for your life. A victim mentality leaves you feeling powerless. Once you own it, you’ve then taken back the power to begin the process of change.
9. Learn it’s OK to say NO – balance is key when moving towards loving yourself.
10. Create a solid network of positive, supportive people –  surrounding yourself with happy, positive, attitudes is contagious. Why not be around those who share your beliefs and values.
11. Take care of yourself – move yourself to the top of the “to do” list. Take time and make time for yourself, to rest and recharge. Be kind to yourself. Some “me” time is vital for overall health.
12. Review, repeat, or replace – the journey towards loving yourself is an ongoing, evolving journey, enjoy the ride!

Save